


One Step Away

by Giora



Category: Killing Eve (TV 2018)
Genre: Alternate Ending, F/F, One Shot, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-09
Updated: 2020-06-09
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:01:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24624415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Giora/pseuds/Giora
Summary: Villanelle’s walking away from Eve and it breaks her heart to do so
Relationships: Eve Polastri/Villanelle | Oksana Astankova
Kudos: 11





	One Step Away

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first thing that I write and English is not my first language but when this one shot popped into my mind I thought I would give it a try. Hope you like it x

Why did I tell her to walk away from me? It was the right thing to do, I know that. Why did I do that? Should I turn around and run back to her? I can’t do that, it’s not right. Is she considering turning back to me? Is she better off without me? The wind makes me shiver. Is she better off without me? She probably is. She asked me to make it stop, what else could I do? I had to let go. I had to. There are so many people passing me by yet I feel completely alone. I hear nothing, not the chattering of the people walking by, not the city noise, only a lot of what ifs resounding in my mind. 

Why did I tell her to walk away from me? It’s not that I regret it, I don’t. I really don’t. I hurt so many people and I can’t hurt her any longer. I ruined her life. She had a husband, a house, even that fucking chicken. Does she wish she still had those things? Does she want her life back? Does she want that fucking chicken back?

I can feel tears forming in my eyes. Konstantin told me she made me soft but I thought I was stronger, I thought I could move on. For a second I really thought I could have started over without her. I told myself I could stop thinking about her. I told myself I could do that easily, almost effortlessly. I’m used to losing people. After all I’ve done, all I’ve been through, I could do that. And now, here I am, repeating those words once again, like a mantra. I can do that, I can move on and leave her behind. 

I can. 

Can I? 

Can she?

Is it easier for her? Is leaving me behind easier for her? I think it is. She can start over. She can fall in love again, buy a new house, get another chicken. That fucking chicken.

My hands are freezing. It’s so cold tonight but I can still feel the warmth of her hand placed down my back from before. She put it there as if she did it a million times. If I knew that was going to be the last time I held her close to me, I would have traced her figure with my fingers to memorize every inch of her. I don’t remember which song was playing while we danced. The only thing I could hear was my heart thumping, it was so loud. Did she hear it too? Was hers beating as fast as mine? While we were dancing she looked up at me for a second and I swear she stared into my soul, she saw everything I am.

“I’ve killed so many people, Eve.”

“I know.”

She knows. She knows and that didn’t stop her from resting her forehead on my shoulder anyway. We just kept swinging. 

The wind is messing up my hair. Did she tied up hers? She must have it all over her face. I dreamed of playing with her hair way too many times. I dreamed of putting one of those messy curls behind her ears and maybe after that my hand could have reached her cheek, cupping it. Then I could have come closer, linger just above her lips. I could have kissed her. I tried to kiss her before but I always stopped before closing the gap that kept us apart. I wanted her to do it. I wanted her to kiss me and not regret it later. I wanted her to be sure. And she did. She kissed me that day on the bus. My heart explodes whenever I remember how her lips pressed against mine felt. God, that’s lame and yet I can’t help but smile at the memory. How I want to kiss her again, kiss her for real. It’s too late now. I’ll never get the chance to do it.

Was this the last time I saw her? Is this how it ends? Did she turn back but did nothing because I didn’t turn as well? This really was the last time. Would it be wrong to turn for a last quick glance? I could see her one last time. Get one last look of her messy hair. It all started from there. She’s so beautiful with her hair down. 

I could turn around. I should. One last glance. Quick. I could look over my shoulder. I can do that. That would be enough for me. Nothing else, just one more time.

My feet stop and so does my breath. Am I actually doing it? Am I turning back just for one look? My heart starts beating faster. What if she kept walking? What if she turned back? What if she is waiting for me to turn back? 

It’s funny how I’ve done so many horrible things and now I’m too scared to look back at her. Konstantin really was right. I close my eyes and take a big breath. I start turning my face, my body stays still. I’m looking over my shoulder and the wind is making my eyes tear up a bit. Where is she? I can’t find her. Why is it so dark here? The bridge is poorly illuminated and the moonlight is so nostalgic. Where is she? I fully turn around. My heart is sinking. Is sh- My phone buzzes, just once. It must be a text. I can’t read it right now. I can’t. I’ll check later. Where is she? Did she keep walking? Why do I feel sad? I asked her to do that, I told her to walk and never look back. I did the right thing. I close my eyes again. I feel my cheeks flushing because of the cold. She’s gone, isn’t she? 

I turn back to where I was headed. I’m not looking at the moon anymore. It’s over. It really is. It’s okay though. I want her to be happy and she can’t be happy with me, I’m a monster, I killed so many people, hurt so many souls. 

It will be fine. 

I’ll move on. 

I can do it.

The phone buzzes again. Just once, again. I take it out of my pocket. It’s Konstantin. I am not in the mood for that, he can wait. There’s another text:

“Thank you for letting me go.”

Why did I tell her to walk away from me? I did the right thing. Did I?

**Author's Note:**

> let me know what you think!!


End file.
